No, I didn't Abandon the Blog Part 3... and the Influences of the Little things in Life
Well..... I really didn't... but it still looks that way. Everybody knows how it goes. We all get busy, life gets in the way and things just get pushed aside. This is no exception.
Well... I guess I should give an update on where I am. In the last post,I mentioned I still had a couple of pounds to lose. Well, I did manage to lose those pounds. The nutritionist was pleased and I was pretty happy too. After a couple of days, the insurance coordinator called me and said I was approve by Blue Cross to have the surgery. Shortly after her call, the surgeon's nurse called to schedule my surgery. Wow!!! I was not prepared for those emotions. I didn't have an answer for her. I had a lot of stuff going on at work and even had some work related travel planned. I told her all of that and that I would have to look at my schedule and get back with her. Well, things kind of rocked along for a week or so and I ignored a few calls from the surgeon's nurse. I finally did talk to her and set a date that I thought was good. That date was April 11 2012. The Wednesday after Easter. It was right at 4 weeks from the day I talked to her. Four weeks... Sometimes, that seems like a long time... and sometimes, it doesn't. For me, it was almost as short as the snap of your fingers. The 3 or so weeks since that phone call have flown by really, really fast... and they have been hell. Maybe that is too harsh a word but those 3 weeks have been really difficult for me. All of a sudden I was having second thoughts about having surgery. I was second-guessing myself.
I was second-guessing what I thought was a super idea 8 months ago. I was second-guessing something that I had put a lot of time, effort, and money into. I was second-guessing the path I had chosen as the one I thought was best for me. All of a sudden, little things that are taken for granted in life were HUGE and I was struggling with how to deal with them in the future. I realized that the little things are what life is about. Yeah, the big things in life are important and have an impact on us but the little things... the little things that we take for granted... those are what make us who we are. I spent countless hours thinking about these things. It had gotten to the point of keeping me awake at night. I was laying in bed at 1 AM some nights thinking about all of this. It quickly got to the point to where it was consuming my thoughts every free minute of the day. It caused me to look at every little aspect of life and think about how things would be different. It also opened my eyes to concerns from family and friends. Truthfully, it is hard to describe all of it. All I know is that I looked at everything, E V E R Y T H I N G, everyone, E V E R Y O N E, in my life and realized that I was headed somewhere that may affect the things that are important to me but more importantly, I realized that it could have a negative impact on the people in my life that I love and that I know love me. Sure, I mean my family but I also mean certain friends too. I'm pretty sure most of you know who you are. In fact, as I was sitting here writing all of this, Alan came in here to tell me good night and that he was going to bed. I know all of you don't know Alan. Let me share a little about him. Alan is one of the most loving kids on earth (yes, i am biased). He is almost always happy and always has that sparkle of happiness in his eyes. He loves people and he especially loves his family. I can't imagine doing anything to break his heart an that is exactly what I was afraid might happen. Of course, as I said, there are lots of other things that weighed heavily on me. When something burdens me as heavily as this has, I carefully examine every little detail and use those observations and conclusions in making a decision. Geez that sounds too technical but I don't know how else to put it..
So, what in the world am I trying to say? If you haven't figured it out already, I decided not to have surgery. I cancelled the appointment with the surgeon that I was supposed to have tomorrow and I cancelled the surgery date for April 11th. Am I totally against having it? No. I may look at it again in the future. I don't know. Am I giving up on losing weight? Absolutely not! I am still dieting. Since I started this I have lost almost 40 pounds. I have a long way to go and a really long way to go to ever reach the expected target had I had the surgery. The past 6 months have taught me that I can lose weight on my own. I just have to work at it. Do I regret spending the money for all of the doctor and nutritionist visits? Not really. The nutritionist taught me that I could lose weight without surgery and was there to hold me accountable.
All in all, I know that there are people that need me in many different ways. I know that I need to be there for those people. It is one of those things in life that I just do. I know that I have to do what I feel is right for ME.
This is what feels right.
Goodnight
Jamey
Well... I guess I should give an update on where I am. In the last post,I mentioned I still had a couple of pounds to lose. Well, I did manage to lose those pounds. The nutritionist was pleased and I was pretty happy too. After a couple of days, the insurance coordinator called me and said I was approve by Blue Cross to have the surgery. Shortly after her call, the surgeon's nurse called to schedule my surgery. Wow!!! I was not prepared for those emotions. I didn't have an answer for her. I had a lot of stuff going on at work and even had some work related travel planned. I told her all of that and that I would have to look at my schedule and get back with her. Well, things kind of rocked along for a week or so and I ignored a few calls from the surgeon's nurse. I finally did talk to her and set a date that I thought was good. That date was April 11 2012. The Wednesday after Easter. It was right at 4 weeks from the day I talked to her. Four weeks... Sometimes, that seems like a long time... and sometimes, it doesn't. For me, it was almost as short as the snap of your fingers. The 3 or so weeks since that phone call have flown by really, really fast... and they have been hell. Maybe that is too harsh a word but those 3 weeks have been really difficult for me. All of a sudden I was having second thoughts about having surgery. I was second-guessing myself.
I was second-guessing what I thought was a super idea 8 months ago. I was second-guessing something that I had put a lot of time, effort, and money into. I was second-guessing the path I had chosen as the one I thought was best for me. All of a sudden, little things that are taken for granted in life were HUGE and I was struggling with how to deal with them in the future. I realized that the little things are what life is about. Yeah, the big things in life are important and have an impact on us but the little things... the little things that we take for granted... those are what make us who we are. I spent countless hours thinking about these things. It had gotten to the point of keeping me awake at night. I was laying in bed at 1 AM some nights thinking about all of this. It quickly got to the point to where it was consuming my thoughts every free minute of the day. It caused me to look at every little aspect of life and think about how things would be different. It also opened my eyes to concerns from family and friends. Truthfully, it is hard to describe all of it. All I know is that I looked at everything, E V E R Y T H I N G, everyone, E V E R Y O N E, in my life and realized that I was headed somewhere that may affect the things that are important to me but more importantly, I realized that it could have a negative impact on the people in my life that I love and that I know love me. Sure, I mean my family but I also mean certain friends too. I'm pretty sure most of you know who you are. In fact, as I was sitting here writing all of this, Alan came in here to tell me good night and that he was going to bed. I know all of you don't know Alan. Let me share a little about him. Alan is one of the most loving kids on earth (yes, i am biased). He is almost always happy and always has that sparkle of happiness in his eyes. He loves people and he especially loves his family. I can't imagine doing anything to break his heart an that is exactly what I was afraid might happen. Of course, as I said, there are lots of other things that weighed heavily on me. When something burdens me as heavily as this has, I carefully examine every little detail and use those observations and conclusions in making a decision. Geez that sounds too technical but I don't know how else to put it..
So, what in the world am I trying to say? If you haven't figured it out already, I decided not to have surgery. I cancelled the appointment with the surgeon that I was supposed to have tomorrow and I cancelled the surgery date for April 11th. Am I totally against having it? No. I may look at it again in the future. I don't know. Am I giving up on losing weight? Absolutely not! I am still dieting. Since I started this I have lost almost 40 pounds. I have a long way to go and a really long way to go to ever reach the expected target had I had the surgery. The past 6 months have taught me that I can lose weight on my own. I just have to work at it. Do I regret spending the money for all of the doctor and nutritionist visits? Not really. The nutritionist taught me that I could lose weight without surgery and was there to hold me accountable.
All in all, I know that there are people that need me in many different ways. I know that I need to be there for those people. It is one of those things in life that I just do. I know that I have to do what I feel is right for ME.
This is what feels right.
Goodnight
Jamey
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