Down and Discouraged
Plain and simple... I am down and discouraged... about everything it seems. As I sit here tonight and think about things I realize that I have no desire to do anything right now. Nothing at all. Plain and simple, I don't care anymore. I can't really answer why... or maybe I can. I don't know.
I think a lot of it is stress. I feel like I am under so much stress right now that I feel like I could just lose it. The stress at work is about to push me over the edge. I need a week away from that place so bad. I want to take at least a week long vacation away from there. Maybe even two weeks. But hell, what good will that do? Every time I take off I wind up getting called and questions asked or I have to go in to deal with some stupid problem. Evey time I think it is getting to where I can take off, some new project or problem comes up and it always has to be fixed yesterday. I know what I do is important and that the things that I take care of are mission critical but good grief, I need a freaking break. I want to ask off next week but I know it is not going to happen. We had another lightning strike at work that damaged a bunch of stuff in the building. My boss is all up in a tizzy over it (and rightfully so, it is him that everyone will question if something goes wrong) and I feel the push to get things done but I can only take so much.
Stress from school isn't helping matters either. By the time I leave work, go sit at the school and wait on Corey's football practice to be done, and get home it is past 6:00 PM. I am freaking wiped out when I get home. Most of the time I have to either cook supper or do the dishes. By the time all of this is done and we get through eating it is at least 8:30 PM. By then, I have no motivation or energy to deal with school work. Add to it the fact that I hate the class and it doesn't help matters. To top it all off, EVERY class I have taken in the BS program I have been stuck on a Learning Team with a bunch of idiots/losers. I don't know how the learning team environment is really supposed to work; I've never been a part of a group that was competent. It really sucks! I am so discouraged with school now that I am just ready to drop out. Screw it, it is not worth the stress.
Even just life in general is stressing me. Things at home are almost unbearable. Something has got to give. I know I am trying to do something about my weight but right now I hate mirrors and just hate to look at myself. The whole surgical weight loss process is sucking me dry money wise. BC/BS insurance really sucks because they won't pay for most of the steps leading up to the surgery plus they only cover 80% of the surgery. I even had a $150 copay for Corey's knee surgery. I had to pay it before they would even do the surgery. It makes me wonder why in the hell I pay for insurance anyway. They seem to want to weasel their way out of paying for as much as they can. It seems like the harder I try with everything the more it goes to trash.
No one needs to worry, I'm not going to hurt myself or do anything stupid like that but I will admit that I am depressed. And NO I do NOT need to freaking medicated for it either. Everybody gets down every now and then. It sucks but it is life.
Oh well.
I think a lot of it is stress. I feel like I am under so much stress right now that I feel like I could just lose it. The stress at work is about to push me over the edge. I need a week away from that place so bad. I want to take at least a week long vacation away from there. Maybe even two weeks. But hell, what good will that do? Every time I take off I wind up getting called and questions asked or I have to go in to deal with some stupid problem. Evey time I think it is getting to where I can take off, some new project or problem comes up and it always has to be fixed yesterday. I know what I do is important and that the things that I take care of are mission critical but good grief, I need a freaking break. I want to ask off next week but I know it is not going to happen. We had another lightning strike at work that damaged a bunch of stuff in the building. My boss is all up in a tizzy over it (and rightfully so, it is him that everyone will question if something goes wrong) and I feel the push to get things done but I can only take so much.
Stress from school isn't helping matters either. By the time I leave work, go sit at the school and wait on Corey's football practice to be done, and get home it is past 6:00 PM. I am freaking wiped out when I get home. Most of the time I have to either cook supper or do the dishes. By the time all of this is done and we get through eating it is at least 8:30 PM. By then, I have no motivation or energy to deal with school work. Add to it the fact that I hate the class and it doesn't help matters. To top it all off, EVERY class I have taken in the BS program I have been stuck on a Learning Team with a bunch of idiots/losers. I don't know how the learning team environment is really supposed to work; I've never been a part of a group that was competent. It really sucks! I am so discouraged with school now that I am just ready to drop out. Screw it, it is not worth the stress.
Even just life in general is stressing me. Things at home are almost unbearable. Something has got to give. I know I am trying to do something about my weight but right now I hate mirrors and just hate to look at myself. The whole surgical weight loss process is sucking me dry money wise. BC/BS insurance really sucks because they won't pay for most of the steps leading up to the surgery plus they only cover 80% of the surgery. I even had a $150 copay for Corey's knee surgery. I had to pay it before they would even do the surgery. It makes me wonder why in the hell I pay for insurance anyway. They seem to want to weasel their way out of paying for as much as they can. It seems like the harder I try with everything the more it goes to trash.
No one needs to worry, I'm not going to hurt myself or do anything stupid like that but I will admit that I am depressed. And NO I do NOT need to freaking medicated for it either. Everybody gets down every now and then. It sucks but it is life.
Oh well.
Love you. *hugs*
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